The problem with me if i'm x working is...

• I baked. Iye one cake after anor. I hv 2 more cakes in mind-soft cotton cheese cake and mini cupcakes with purple icing.
  
• I can't sleep at nite-i read it sumwhere it's called transient insomnia.
• I woke up at 10am...hahaha..rasenyer baru update an entry jadik early riser kan. Skang dah jadik temporary insomniac. I shd've seen it coming...i laid wide awake on my bed last few nites, watching lil zara sleeping secara lasak with her right leg on my chin. Suke ati betul dia tido.
  
• I became a BW addict again. I hv Hotsling, Snugg MT, SSC, now my eyes in on RS and other snugg buggs. The BW entry from me da long overdue..i'll upload an entry on it thn depan.
• I love surfing inet during nite time..esp at wee hours..like this.
  

Those r the top 5 problems.
The biggest problem seems to be the insomnia part. Sungguh troublesome having these sleepless nites.

*sigh..the only cure to this temporary insomnia is doing office work 8am-5pm...or perhaps opening my own baking biz or perhaps i shd learn to self-hypnotize.

Yuhoo..i'm back!!
Lama da takde entry.
Lame excuse: i'm so busy sampai tak sempat nk bukak blog.
Tp org lain pun busy jugak, how can they juggle between work-life-parenting-blogging?
I dunno how they did it.

Updates:

Zara @ 8 months 4 weeks :

• An active baby..active giler, panjat sana sini [katil, cot, sofa, high chair, stroller and even her car seat] sampai semua org mengah nk layan n boleh dpt heart attack selamatkan lil Zara fr falling.
• Da pandai diri and jalan pegang railing from one end to the other end of the cot/playpen.
  
• A strong baby..terhantuk ke, terkepit jari ke..nangis dua saat lepas tu pegi tarik laci again.
• A cheeky baby..suke senyum/sengih sambil lentok2kan kepala, konon manja la. *ok...mmg nmpk manja pun.
  
• Loves her porridge, bread, chicken and whatever kind of foodie that ppl put into her mouth.
  
• Dah tumbuh dua gigi atas and dua gigi bawah. We bought a wooden cot for her and...she enjoyed chewing her cot. The cot dah ade new pattern!!- her gnawing marks.
  
• When she's sad/wants her milk/wants an attention she'll call mamamamamama, wc melts my heart right there and then.
  
• Loves magazines, papers, thick novels...Oh yes!! as i'm typing these..lil Zara baru koyakkan my Anne Rice. *tarik buku Anne Rice perlahan2 n bagi magazine camera DH to her instead.
  
• Loves sucking on her toes (both toes ok!). Old myth: nk adik la tu. Betul ke? Perhaps..however, she enjoyed having lil kids and babies around her.
  

Urs truly:

• True to the old myth-babies sucking toes=nk adik. As lil Zara turned 7 months, we found out that she's going to be a big sister. It's the best feeling to be pregnant again:>Whatever to those ppl whom questioned Zara kan kecik lagi? I hv my own reason why i'm on a fast track mode.
  
• However, at almost 3 months we rcvd a sad news-there was no fetal heartbeat in the gestational sac, it was an empty sac. After seeking second opinion and tests-our final decision is for a D&C rather than waiting for a natural miscarriage to happen.
  
• So, on 16th of Dec 09 i hd a D&C [a few days before my birthday..sape tak wish birthday lagi tu?? sile wish cepat;PPP]
  
• I'm recovering at home until early next year. The best part is i get to spend time with lil Zara & i dont hv to wake up early morning to go to work;> *blissful...
• A lil sad tho the lil baby bump is almost gone *rubbing my tummy. Owh well...i can fit into my old pants and jeans and having fun making baby bumps again;>
  

p/s: I hv loads of lil Zara's pics but our card reader ttinggal kat ofis pulak. Hence no piccas.

My parents is currently in Singapore. They'll be gone for 2 days & 1 nite to visit our sick relative.
We hv part of the house to ourselves (part=bc my sister's at home too).
Since having a baby...this is the first time, we r at home without Zara's grandparents (i.e without parents guidance).
So, there's no one else to pass lil Zara's around when i've exhausted all ways to calm her down except my sister & DH. Hahahaha.

I'm able to blog bc Zara's asleep. She's 4 months today!!
So..what now?

The most important thing for today is...WHAT'S FOR DINNER?? in between tending to the lil pwincess.
Haven't cooked for such a long time since i got pregnant & living manja2 with my parents (ok..ada lah once or twice je masak).
It's not my fault altogether..everyone enjoyed her cooking rather than mine.
The thought of her masak lemak sardin..asam pedas..terung berlada..ayam sambal..fresh brussels sprout with sos ikan..makes me hungry now.

Now, what's for dinner?
*think*
*think*
*mama..*

Ok...i think i heard Zara's crying.

Some individuals do not cope really well with staying at home all day. They need the stimulation and distraction the work brings, otherwise the frustration gets the better of them. And I belong to this category. ~Anonymous~

I don't belong to that category. I think i can cope well by staying at home all day. I don't need the stimulation at work and i won't feel frustrated without the distraction that office work brings (just thinking about it makes me stressful already). At home, there's a lot of chores to be done as well. Not to mention the distraction when ur lil one is crying for ur attention. I'm not going 'kuku' yet while staying at home for 60 days tending to my daughter's need.

The thing is I don't really like the idea of being far from my daughter. She's still 2 months..i can really get used to the idea of working perhaps after she's 1 year. Why do we get only 60 days? It's not enuff!! At least 90 days with gaji seems ok.

I'm not allowed to bf my daughter during the day, bc we want her to get used to bottle. Altho we've trained her with bottle since Day 3, she still refused it unless she's really really hungry. She wud cry for 1 or 2 hours-stop for 15 mins-continue crying for anor 1 hour-stop-continue until she gets her milk bar. Just like what happened just now. It's just so heart wrenching to hear her cries knowing that she wants to get her hands on milkbar when she has every rights to it.

My other concerns are the 'what if' s...

WHAT IF..

• I'm not the first person to see her crawl/stand/walk?
• I'm not the first person to hear her call mama/abah?
• She is confused that my mom & dad is her mama/abah and called them mama/papa instead?
• She don't want to cling to her milk bar anymore as she got confused with the bottle?
• She gets more affectionate with my mom/dad? and she don't want us anymore?
  

OK..giler negative thinking kan?
I shd be thankful that my mom & dad is around to take a good care of my daughter. One way or another..i still need to work as i'm a woman with lost of needs and Malaysia got so many warehouse sales (especially books & baby stuff) that i hv the urge to splurge on. Alright...I hv to work tomorrow. Nk pegi gosok baju keje..

Wehooo!! my crave for middle eastern cuisine da fulfilled!! Tho i didnt get to eat any pita bread straight from the other part of the world / it's shawarma. But, i'm grateful with what i hv:

Little did my mom knows that i crave for shawarma [i didnt tell my parents / DH about my middle eastern cravings pun, as i dont want them running around searching for the food]. My mom went to KL and happened to pass by the delicious shawarma stall and bought me some because she remembered that i love shawarma;>>>

And

Yesterday, all of us including MIL & SIL went to our fave middle eastern restaurant [Al-diafah] and i stuffed myself full of its delicious hommus, lamb, aden tea, almond milk, bread and kabsa rice. I think the lil one enjoys it as much as i do [it's been kicking softly to arab songs during dinner. I take it as his/her way of enjoying;>].

Now...i am craving for victoria sandwich cake!!! Dear lil one, of all days..nape today? Sunday, Teapot Cafe is closed la. Huhu.

I am craving for middle eastern cuisine!!

Nk lagi best i wud be so extremely happy & contented if someone cud fly me straight to jeddah/medina/mecca at this point of time bc i really missed the HUGE round pita bread that i'm soooooooo in love with [i got my first bite at 12 yrs old, fell in love instantly & i cud still remember the taste & now aku nak pita bread itu!!]. No pita bread here ever taste like that and i want shawarma too!! My last bite of that pita bread was like 10 bulan yg lalu krn MIL baru balik haji & brought back the pita bread for me. NAKKKKKKKKKK!!!! tp cemane??? gile ape craving ni:(

Today, kb lost her temper which resulted a purple red bruise on her right thumb [iye..akibat terlalu marah dan telah menepuk meja dgn kuatnyer). My irritating staff (the female one) was raising her voice at me due to some misunderstanding [maybe caranye mcm tu..but sorry la ok, my pantang larang is i cant take it when ppl gimme that high tone: i did warned her not to raise voice] So, akibatnyer dptlah jeritan from me. I may look small and soft spoken...but i inherit both my parents hot temper. Don't try me pls...especially in this preggy condition.

The misunderstanding is about keys. Hello!!! Can u believe it...of all the things in the world...KEYS ??? And then causing chaos to my other staff yg obviously can get along together in a teamwork. I tell u...this entry dont do justice to her gomenly behaviour & i hv no intention to type out one by one of her long list of gomen behaviour which annoyed me. This kind of ppl need to be sacked out of job!

I hv several problematic staff sepanjang my working experience, the stubborn one, the lazy one, the talkative one, the reasoning one, the negotiating one...But this one really makes me off & i cant tolerate no more. I make a vow to myself, tomorrow am gonna pulled any available string and get her transferred out for my safety & my other staff too.

p/s: Am not overreacting...but this one staff has a history of mental prob. A good reason kan?

I didnt blog for 6 days! It's simply because, i'm supertired out of shopping/attending open house/running away fr open houses/trying to get some rest.

Terase begitu weird kerana i dont hv an appointment with my doctor this weekend. Usually i met her every 2 weeks. But, my next scan is scheduled in anor 2 weeks time. It's either i begin to miss my doctor or i miss the confident feeling that my lil one is happily growing inside. I think both..

4 weeks after the last appointment rase spt 4 bulan lamanyer. Especially, in this busy+supertired mental+physical condition lebih terase mcm I NEED TO SEE MY DOCTOR & MY LIL ONE so i wud be deeply relieved that he/she is ok despite my stress level and work condition.

Actually, during this week..i dont feel my lil one moving that much anymore(kdg2 je terase, itupun wondering..was it a gas or was it the lil one?) Adakah dia tido? krn mommynyer active gerak2..so he/she was rocked to sleep? Even at nite, bukan ke sepatutnyer when u r about to sleep time tu la the lil one shd be moving and rolling around? Bc i did feel this, ttp since working..my lil one seems behaved?? [..hmm...being me..i will keep on worrying until i get to see my lil one moving during an ultrasound] Huwaa!! i want to see my doctor!!


p/s: Kb mmg suke jumpe Doktor dr kecik. It's a no surprise to those who knew her really well.

Your Stress Level is: 76%

You are prone to stress, and you're probably even pretty stressed right now. Life's problems seem to pile up on you, and this often makes you feel depressed and burned out. Learn to take time to relax and enjoy life, even if things are stressful. It's the only wa you'll get through the bad times.

How Stressed Are You?

That is my stress level for today, and the percentage ain't do justice for what i feel right now and what happened today. Kepala ini berdenyut2 and i can't sleep properly or eat properly for almost 3 days in a row. Why? it's bc of my new job. It's not that i hate my job [but i hate it, in my condition like this - i'm weak for not having a proper rest and not eating well maka jadik la not energetic, less aggressive krn workload yg byk giler selori files perday, energy tlh di sapped for trying to cope with new things, hving to learn fast, decide fast n constantly worried for my lil one inside. To top it off having to deal with 1 typical gomen mkck worker yg berkire, thinks she is the boss, give like ZILLLLIOOooonn answers to my question and talked more than me!!! and also, there's anor 1 typical gomen guy who went m.i.a fr work about 2mths n who's coming back tomorrow as my staff [what? he thinks this is his gfather's office?]. It's a crazy workload and 2 lunatic staff to be given to a coping 1st time pregnant lady whom is petite ok!!! I'm soooo stressed, it's just too much!!! The first day, i cried my eyes out at nite..because my tummy feels so tight & painful -Dh sudah speechless & worried, second day at work was tiring like hell i hv a truckload stuff to deal with till 5:30 which left me with no appetite, vomiting out of stress and cannot sleep at nite due to stress, the third day is getting worse..i was extremely tired in a.m- feel like crying but i know once i start crying (jwpnnyer takkan bole keje today), my brain stops working & i keep calling my good fren Mr S for help like more than 7 times, my low abdomen starts to feel painful like cramp tibe2 in the middle [i was like...uh, adakah ini mcm perasaan nk terberanak?] thank god..after drinking half a bottle of water the pain subside, and now...i'm having a stress headache [the kind of back of neck pain sampai tulang belakang & whole body is aching].


Look..what i found here:

Job stress, noise, long periods of standing and work weeks of more than 40 hours all greatly increase the risk of giving birth to premature babies, a study has found. Dr. Johnson said. "My recommendations to all working women who are pregnant is that they not stand for prolonged periods of time, that they not work for more than eight-hour days or for more than 40-hour weeks."

Barbara Luke, an associate professor at the University of Michigan and an author of the study, said the decision on when to leave work during pregnancy should be based on a woman's job and medical history.

She said it was very important to avoid these risks during the second half of pregnancy.

...See, mungkin betul the cramp today is the first hint sign of contraction. Maybe my lil one is saying "mommy slow down, don't over-test me..don't push yourself too hard, ur stress level is increasing and it's suffocating me". *sigh...even if i hv a doctor's recommendation, what can i do with it???? i hv no choice...bc the workload is fixed for me [if per day there are a truckload of files..i do not hv a choice but to deal with it.] ...I hv no choice except the only alternative is to go for unpaid leave and causing trouble to my colleagues. Hmmm..it's a hard decision to make.

I've been telling myself to hold on, wait & see...but what am i waiting for? for stress to subside or for a strong signal to stop? ...i guess..which comes first. It's very risky tho playing this kind of waiting game.

No, i'm not whiny, or trying to runaway fr work responsibilities, or trying to find excuse to stay at home [i've experienced the worst thing before this job and i survived for 1 year or maybe more if i was not transferred]. I do feel worried if tidak di confirm (tp fhm kalau org tanak confirmkan..krn byk sgt mc tanpa sengaja), i will feel guilty if i cause trouble to my good colleagues, i will feel guilty towards my boss and staff juga. But...i feel lebih worried with my condition+ the lil one's condition. Sekian, my complaint for today.

HAPPY NEWS!!

My lil one is gonna hv anor fren apart from lil Aqeel. Yeayyy!! One of my good fren is preggers too. This is so wonderful, anor baby is on the way:) I think i supposed to keep it a secret..ngehngehngeh...but i just cant..besides she didnt say the magic word. So, am gonna share it here very discreetly ok ;p

:The Good Friend is Kamie:)

I am so free & energetic la kan that i posted this 2nd entry!

Every blog i surfed, all talks about raya celebration but my blog. Hence, the need to talk about raya here so as not to feel left out sgt. Huhu..tah hape2.

Anyway, am the grinch of raya this year. I didnt celebrate it like i shd, but i do give out packets of raya to my nieces, nephews & lil babies [am not so grinch after all]. No, i didnt balik kg to DH hometown [as i am adviced not to travel far]. I didnt go to open houses or visit my relatives or DH relatives [am afraid if i puke infront of the lovely dishes]. I didnt make any cakes or even cookies [i'm weak & easily tired to even flip the recipe book]. I didnt wear bj kurung or even kebaya during raya [i dont feel comfortable wearing one]. I even feel scared if ppl call me and tanya "nk dtg raya rumah boleh?" [because i dont feel fit to entertain ppl..nnt disangka rude pulak].

Cian my DH, supposedly this raya shd be our first raya together as a married couple [shd wear same bj colour, shd pay a visit to old relatives, shd balik kg sama2, shd prepare raya dishes and cookies, shd perhaps host an open house for our friends & relatives]. Hehehe..tp it did not happened that way [a bit amused here, sbb one can plan lots of things but one just never know what GOD had in store for u]. My first raya, MIL & SIL yg kene dtg dr kg to visit me. It's funny, bercanggah dr adat beraya yg normal, but it's wonderful because i got to celebrate my first raya with the ppl i love. Just my dh, parents, siblings, MIL & SIL -one big happy family under one roof. Cool what? takyah beraya asing2:) It shd be like this every raya, barula jimat costs ;P Anyway, next raya abis la kene pusing semua rumah relatives to make up for my MIA this raya.

As of today, i got 3 open house invitations. Am contemplating whether to go or not to go. Physically, am getting better and alhamdullilah semakin energetic these few days, but...am not sure if i feel like going. We'll see how..perhaps by the end of this week my hormone becomes better, more mentally stable [i'm actually super garang, bitchy & bossy with this pregnancy & senang menangis jugak. Owh dont fret, i know it's not good for the baby...but, its not me!! it's the hormones..huhu. I'm a sweet person before this pregnancy tau] & behave like a good mommy.

Hands off my belly please...

I know people are fascinated by a pregnant woman's stomach... but WHY do they feel that they need to touch? I feel it's a complete violation of privacy, not to mention the fact that if it wasn't acceptable before pregnancy, what makes people think that it's ok to do that when one is pregnant?

I found this perfect questions in one of yahoo! answers. Iye!! sgt bersetuju sbb i am wondering the exact same thing. Wait a second...before i got pregnant..did i touch any pregnant woman's stomach?....lemme think a second....Nope. I never touch any preggers belly...owh, except this one time..when aqeel's mommy asked me to feel lil aqeel's rolling in her stomach.

Back to the questions. I never understand myself, why ppl especially makcik2 sgt la suke nk raba2 perut. Imagine, skang ni raya season right? So, almost EVERY SINGLE MAKCIK2 (yg baru kenal ke or tak kenal ke; kalau yg close relative tu still leh dimaafkan) yg dtg beraya at my house..will use the opportunity to touch my belly!! (my belly dah la rase tegang and i feel very uncomfortable..lagi nk pegang2), *sigh!! it wud be too rude kan to snap at them or slapped away their itchy hands? It's incredibly annoying , cuz u can't do anything and lebih annoying i'm not even showing yet!! cemane la nnt when i started to show?

I think, next time..when someone touch my belly, I touch theirs back - whether they are pregnant or not! and hopefully they'll get the hint and at least ask the next time they want to touch it.

This entry is for strangers dan relatives yg tidak close sama sekali. I love it, when DH touched my belly secara tibe2(i know that it's his attempt bonding with our lil one) but other ppl???? even my own mother or sister did not touch my belly without asking..inikan org lain yg suke2 nk touch without asking first kan? So, ppl..next time pls ask nicely before u touch a pregger belly. Am sure if u ask, the pregger lady will think twice to say no.

P/s: btw, it's never too late kan, sbb i am yet to wish : SELAMAT HARI RAYA & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN ;)

Luv Hate Relationship

I hv 2 blogs attempt prior to this one.

First attempt : i managed to keep the blog for almost 2 years (now the blog name was used by somebody else)

Second attempt: create it when my gynae told me i miscarried (thot i need some motivation by writing, but i end up not posting.)

Third attempt: i hope i can hold on to this one just like i did before.

So...hey! i'm back again.