Monday, November 2, 2009

I've never been apart from my baby even a nite. I believed that she wud not be ok without me or something wud happen if i'm not around. Besides, i'm still BF-ing her and she might need me esp during nite time. Majority of 1st time mommy wud share this feeling.

For the first time on 29th Oct 09, i left her for a nite under her grandparents care.
That very morning the day i'm about to leave for ilkap, i kissed her cheeks with a heavy heart and almost burst out crying in guilt feeling like a selfish mommy.
On the way to ilkap i justified my situation as not abandoning her but i hv to focus on studying for the exam.
Obviously, i can't study at home with my baby zooming around & doing her cirque du soleil acts in her walker.
The day felt like neverending, the nite felt so long.
After the exam, i sped home like crazy. The term Biar Lambat Asal Selamat sounds stupid. If i cud fly, i wud fly straight to my baby.

When i got home..
The heavy feeling lifts up when i saw her waiting for me at the door.
Smiling widely and reaching out both of her hands towards me.
My heart melts and i almost cried..but, everyone including a cousin of mine were there watching us with ooohh and ahhhh pandainye dia.
Sibuk je semua org ni, thus..i hv to stifle a cry and my throat felt lumpy.

Even a nite, almost drove me to insanity the very next day...what more nites and days without her?
I need a stronger mental & heart to leave her if circumstances requires, but I really hope that there will be no more next time.
I'm absolutely amazed and tabik spring to mothers who has the strentgh to overcome the fear of leaving ur baby when circumstances demand.